CONNOR RATLIFF’S OLYMPIC JOURNAL
May 20, 2013 (1173 days until the 2016 Summer Olympics)
Last week, I went on The Chris Gethard Show to have the panel predict my Olympic Future.
The question asked was: “Will Connor win an Olympic GOLD medal?”
- CHRIS GETHARD’S Magic 8-ball said “Don’t Count On It.” I take this to mean that I shouldn’t just take it for granted. I think the Magic 8-ball wanted make sure I didn’t quit training, which I definitely would have if they had predicted an absolute “yes.”
- AMY POEHLER’S Magic 8-ball was slightly more ominous: “My Answer Is No.” My immediate reaction was that perhaps the 8-ball was using the “unreliable narrator” literary device as a way of tricking me. Upon further reflection, it occurs to me that it was actually employing a different kind of trick to throw me off the scent. The question asked was whether I would win “AN” Olympic GOLD medal— as in singular, one GOLD medal. Perhaps this is an indication that I will win MORE than one GOLD medal. Very clever, Magic 8-ball!
- BETHANY HALL’S method of prediction was an origami fortune teller, and its result was the cryptic “The Civil War was a hoax.” I don’t know how to explain this answer, but I am eager to hear any possible interpretations that people might be willing to offer, especially ones that are positive and non-racist.
- SHANNON O’NEILL predicted that I would make it all the way to the opening ceremonies but that Tom Hanks will then replace me. This is a reference to Tom Hanks firing me from a small role in Band Of Brothers back in the year 2000. This is clearly Shannon’s way of keeping me motivated, knowing that I am driven to succeed by a series of unambiguous failures.
While I didn’t exactly receive the unambiguously good news I was hoping for, they did not definitively rule out Olympic success in 2016. My takeaway from this experience was that I have to keep training very hard. The powerful forces that the panel was connecting with obviously knew that if they told me, “yes, you’re going to win” it would probably cause me to become complacent and stop exercising or trying to become good at athletics. I hate training so much, it’s exhausting and often humiliating. It’s kind of heartbreaking that I have to keep doing this, but it looks like that’s what it’s going to take to win the GOLD.
WATCH the whole fun episode with special guest Amy Poehler here!
MY CURRENT WEIGHT: 196 lbs. I lost 3 pounds! Very exciting news, and it tells me that maybe checking every week was a mistake, like a “watched pot never boils”-type deal.
RATLIFF 2016 MERCH: several people have asked me about items they see me with, such as my RATLIFF 2016 Water Bottle and RATLIFF 2016 Stadium Blanket and wall clock. They ask “how do I get one of those?” and I tell them to go here.
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE: “When you want something, all you have to do is try hard and you can have it. Anything you want, if you dream big and go for it you can have it and when people say “no” you should say “yes” and then one day it will all work out and you can have what you want, it’s true!” - Future Olympic GOLD Medal Winner Connor Ratliff
Future GOLD Medal Winner Connor Ratliff